Unfortunately, the hype isn't real. Luckily, there are real women looking for real men. They're just not 25 year old models.
I get it, and I hope you’ll get it by the time you finished this article. Since falling in love is not a straightforward thing to do, we want to help you learn a few new strategies that just may keep you out of trouble if you want to find a mail order bride. My wife and I would love to hear your opinion about this topic, and your story about how sex has led you astray in your past relationships.
Here’s our basic thesis for this blog post. Sex sells, the international dating industry knows this, and many men become a willing victim of sophisticated marketing methods that lead them astray. It’s simple; most international dating companies use pictures of sexy women to get your intention and get you to make decisions that you really shouldn’t make, all in the basic desire for the potential of future great sex with a woman in a picture that resides on an internet web page.
What they don’t tell you is that there is a 99.999% chance that you will never have sex with that woman in the picture. I’m talking about an average guy looking for a wife abroad. Millionaires and movie stars can generally talk or motivate any woman into having sex because their money and/or fame make them inherently more desirable than the average guy.
But let me get back to my basic thesis and point out a few less obvious points about the international dating industry.
Just about all animals are hard-wired for sex as a method to propagate their species. Humans are no different. Humans just dress it up in sexier clothes and arcane social norms to appear more civilized.
But deep down inside, people love sex. It feels good. Technically, sex acts releases endorphins into our brains and that’s what makes us feel good. Most individuals need sexual chemistry prior to becoming attracted to, romancing and marrying another person. So I’m not poo-poohing the idea of dating someone who gets your motor running. I think that sexual attraction is one of those essential requirements for both men and women to have in all relationships. The bottom line is you need physical attraction and good sex to sustain a long-term, loving relationship.
What we are suggesting is that you use caution in your efforts to find a girlfriend or wife that lives in another country. There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors being used by the international dating industry, and you should enter the process with your eyes wide open and understand a few of their tricks.
It’s not that the international dating industry is really doing anything wrong. They know what their customers want, and they try to deliver it as best they can. But if you are interested in starting an actual relationship with a woman in another country, there are a few rules you should learn before you start the process.
We spell out these rules and our reasoning in other blog posts, but in summary, those rules are:
#1—Stay away from the glitz and glamour websites.
#2—Take nothing at face value. Do your due diligence and research a company or product before you purchase anything.
#3—Don’t develop feelings for anyone until you have spent a significant amount of face-to-face time with them.
These simple rules will keep you away from 98% of the problems in the international dating industry. Violate them and you can lose hundreds and thousands of dollars and years of your life pursuing a fantasy. Follow these rules and you can usually find someone to date within six months and marry a woman from another country in 18-24 months from now. Complications from the COVID pandemic are pushing these timelines out a little farther, and every home country is different. Your experience may vary from these timelines.
But let’s get back to our main thesis and how the international dating industry uses sex to motivate you into poor decisions.
Many, many websites have profile pictures of beautiful young and middle-aged women, many of whom will write messages to you once you register for access on a website. We have a whole blog post describing websites like these and why they provide a low probability of success as a dating strategy for you to pursue.
Even legitimate romance tour websites and marriage agency websites have pictures of women to attract your interest. They want to motivate you to select them to help you find a wife overseas. This requires that they show you at least some of the foreign women in their database of potential partners. I think it is fair to say that all companies use pictures of good-looking women to attract you and motivate you to use their service. So, it is not the presence of pretty pictures you must avoid; it is the low probability of success for the website’s recommended dating strategy that you must understand and avoid.
Using sexual images goes back to the 1871 in America thanks to the Pearl Tobacco cigarette company who put an illustration of a naked maiden on their pack of cigarettes that then copied by other cigarette companies.
Those men who have tried internet dating know that most western dating sites like Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com are filled with unattractive women. So why is it when these same men go on an international dating website, the alarm bells don’t go off when they see only beautiful women seeking a foreign husband? Mainly, my wife and I think it is self-delusion. Men want to believe these women are available to them, so they choose to believe.
I have a friend who was writing letters to a lady in a city in Ukraine, and he wanted to meet her on his upcoming trip to Ukraine. I tried to tell him that the lady was merely a fantasy, that someone else was writing the letters. I even sent him a link to a job advertisement looking for “translators” to write these letters at this company in Ukraine.
He told me that even if there was only a miniscule chance the relationship with this woman was real, he would gladly pay a couple hundred of dollars to find out that answer. I did the only thing that I could think of at the moment. I asked him to give me $200. He asked why, and I said because if it’s worth $200 for the small percentage of chance that this could be an actual relationship, then it’s worth at least that much to learn that in the vast majority of cases that these correspondence-based relationships are not real. He got offended by my request, but then I pointed out the company, who was asking him for the $200, was the one actually offending him. Ultimately, he clung on to his self-deception and spent another $200 on this letter-writing website. When he went to Ukraine, the woman with whom he thought he had an actual connection was not available to meet him, just as my wife and I predicted.
My wife and I visited many European countries, and we know most European women that you see on the streets look like normal western women. The same is true for Asian countries and South American countries. Less than 5% of any female population in any country looks as beautiful as the women on these international dating / letter-writing websites.
So why are the women on all these websites so attractive? The obvious answer is that hair, makeup, wardrobe, and a talented photographer can make almost all women more attractive. In America, there’s a photography studio called Glamour Shots that does exactly that. The international dating industry has had over 25 years to perfect their craft in sculpting women into beautiful outfits, hair and makeup, and then pose them in sexually alluring positions to make them look very glamorous.
Since you are hard wired to notice women who have great sex appeal, these photos act on your conscious and unconscious mind and send you signals that you want to meet and date them.
Another answer is about how most websites make money. There are very few marriage agencies that do not allow you to write letters to their ladies before you come to meet them. We have even found a few agencies that claim not to allow letter-writing and yet operate under a different name do support those big letter writing websites. These letter-writing websites want you to spend money writing their ladies, chatting with their ladies, even have video chats with these ladies. It is how they make the largest portion of their revenue. These websites want you impulsively deciding to communicate with the women on their website profiles. The sexier the lady, the more men that she attracts to writing her letters or chatting with her.
Search in the native language on the google server for that country and you can learn that some local marriage agencies advertise for ladies to model for their website and pay these ladies a passive income from the money that their pictures bring in from the letters that are generated by those photos. Even more outrageous is that they can steal photos from a lady’s profile on another website, or a marriage agency uses 20-year-old photos from a lady’s early years when she actually was a model. In most of these types of cases, a new model needs only show up for the agency’s photo shoots every 6 months, and the marriage agency has a professional photographer, makeup artist, and fashion coordinator make these ladies extra beautiful. Then the model goes back to her normal life with husband or boyfriend and waits for the money each month.
A friend of mine dated one such lady who was making $1,000 per month in Ukraine (that’s very good money for their economy). When she tried to quit, the agency begged her to stay and started paying her $1,500 per month.
It’s unfortunate this kind of thing occurs, but for most foreign men who write letters, they will never travel to meet a lady. There are no real consequences for a letter-writing website. The man never travels, so he just spends his money until he loses interest in the idea of finding a foreign bride.
But for the guy who is interested in traveling to another country to meet women, it is easy to do the due diligence necessary to figure out what goes on at a particular marriage agency. It doesn’t take a lot of savvy and skill to search in a foreign language for advertisements in a city in another country at specific marriage agencies. Do a little due diligence work like we describe in our How to Marry a Ukrainian Supermodel or Find Love Overseas series of books and you can spot these marriage agencies that offer a low probability of success dating strategies.
It doesn’t really matter if you are investigating a Webpage, YouTube channel, an Instagram Account, or a Facebook Page/Group, you want to avoid any kind of website or account where all the women are too pretty or glamorous.
There are a few international dating / letter-writing websites that are like the western dating websites. These few websites show profiles that have a mix of personal and professional photos. They are all not professional photos. And all the women are not attractive. In fact, most women are not attractive. Key on these websites where the women are mostly normal looking. Don’t be put off when a lady uses a professional photo or three in her profile. They give women copies of photos when she poses for marriage agency websites, and she will use these better-looking photos on a different website where she hopes to meet men.
We know it is hard, especially when you are first starting out, to navigate the international dating industry’s websites. I was lucky that I figured out a long time ago that writing letters to women overseas and trying to connect with them through messages was an ineffective strategy.
But as a friend of ours likes to say, “Romance is a face-to-face business.” And by this we mean meaningful relationships can only be created after you have met another person in person. Therefore, we mentioned Rule #3. Don’t let the sex appeal of a woman lead you astray. In some situations, you can’t be sure if the person with whom you are corresponding is even a woman–marriage agencies hire males and females to translate and respond to letters written by western men.
But a more logical reason is you will eventually need to spend a significant amount of money to travel to visit one or more ladies in another country. You don’t want to invest in any relationship until you know it is real for both of you. There’s a lot of face-to-face conversations and discussions that you need to have before you decide you want to date someone, and they want to date you.
It’s much healthier to live in the real world and have specific questions asked and answered in person before you make a commitment to date someone. Most men get tripped up living in a fantasy-world after they have met the wrong woman or aren’t savvy enough to figure out that the lady just isn’t that into him. Sometimes it can be very hard to get an accurate read on a woman’s feelings or motivations. It is best to stay patient, stay reserved, and limit your generosity until a woman will live with you (and have sex with you) when you visit her in her country.
Unfortunately, many women want the financial benefits of having a foreign boyfriend, namely a monthly stipend and possibly extra money for trips. And there is a time in a foreign relationship where this is a permissible or even a good idea to do. But make sure that she has fully committed to a relationship that leads to marriage before you commit to taking care of her financially.
In my own life, it was easy to do because I was retired and I simply paid for things when I came and stayed with my fiancé for three months at a time, or when we took trips together. But some guys need to save up money and vacation time for their visits, and it can take several months to do that.
Our recommendation is to be upfront with your new girlfriend and tell her what you will and will not do financially when you start your relationship. Some guys are blown away when a woman specifically says that she wants nothing from a man until he has proven himself to do what he says he’s going to do and commits to spending time with her as often as he can. Other guys get worried when a woman asks for a specific gift. Every lady is different, and their motivations are usually different, too. Don’t panic – just keep communicating until you both know each other’s opinions on the subject at hand.
It may be counter-intuitive, but many good women get offended by a man offering too soon in a relationship to give her money. Almost all women will expect you to take care of them when you are in a serious relationship (i.e., engaged and pursuing an immigration visa for your country). So this last rule is mainly about timing, and your lady’s preferences.
We recommend taking it slow until you and your lady each have the relationship signals that you want before committing to taking care of her financially. In this way, you will avoid those women who just want someone to take care of them without giving back a serious relationship. And even better, you will avoid those women who make their living by having several boyfriends who all send her money every month.
We have found a few bright spots in the international dating industry that we think are legitimate and try hard to do the right thing for you when you come to visit their country. We will write about those companies in future blog posts. For now, please be cautious in your efforts to learn about how to date overseas.