This is a safe place for Hopeless Romantics! Just need to get that out. Angela and I want to create a place where everyone can share their opinions, share their stories, and learn from each other. I had an epiphany last year about the journey each man takes to find the International Woman of His Dreams. The epiphany was this:
Your International Dating Journey Is Harder Than It Needs To Be Because The International Dating Industry Wants It That Way.
I will go into detail on the elements of this epiphany in the next several blog posts. You can on this subject in those posts. Right now, I want to discuss “romance” and how we can learn from each other. As an engineer, I am overly logical and straightforward. However, as a man, I have a soft spot in my heart for women. I believe the need for deep personal connection with another human being who loves and supports you is a fundamental human need. But romance today isn’t that easy. Some women want it and will tell you they want it. Some women don’t want it and tell you they don’t want it. And far too many times, a woman won’t tell you whether she wants the romance or not. You are supposed to know, despite the fact that I’ve never met someone who could legitimately read my mind, much less a woman’s.
I toyed with the idea of starting out with a post with only a title and then a blank page. The title was “The Ten Things That I Absolutely, Positively Know About Women!” And then the post would be blank, because I do not absolutely, positively know anything. I operate on a whole universe of assumptions and expectations. I hope a lot. Most of the times, things work out OK. I’ve learned to live with uncertainty because I am not routinely absolutely, positively certain very often. I do claim to have a robust and detailed model of the world and how different cultures work that I keep in my head. I use this model to make assumptions, and I have the kind of ego that says, “We can go ahead and talk about this, but I’m 99% sure that I’m correct in my assumption.”
THINKING FAST AND SLOW
When I go into problem solving mode, I spend a lot of time thinking about things strategically, and tactically. It’s a good mode to use when thinking about important things, but it can definitely kill the buzz when thinking about “Romantic Things.” You need to access both your heart and your head when you think about “Romantic Things” and you need a target (e.g., a woman who is beautiful to you on the inside and outside). This is another dimension that complicates finding the International Woman of Your Dreams. Some parts have to be logical and pragmatic like travel arrangements, budgets, and choosing a company to help you in your search. And other parts need to be be more emotional and unconsciously perceived, like sensing the energy that you and your date are giving off during a date, and the little details of her personality that shine through her reserved nature.
Nobel Prize Winner Daniel Kahneman writes about these things in his New York Times Best Selling book, Thinking Fast and Slow. This book is about how humans think. It’s a great read that I recommend if you want to improve your decision-making capability. You have to trust me at the moment, but you’ll want to improve your decision-making capability before choosing the right woman from a fantastic group of international women that you have been dating. You need to be able to think fast and slow, logically and emotionally, from a haphazardly-perceived world of someone speaking another language, through a translator or cellphone-based language translation application.
My epiphany applies to men that were seeking Asian Mail Order Brides, Russian Mail Order Brides, Filipino Mail Order Brides, Chinese Mail Order Brides, Mexican Mail Order Brides, Dominican Republic Mail Order Brides, Columbian Mail Order Brides, Indian Mail Order Brides, Thai Mail Order Brides, Ukrainian Mail, Vietnamese, Haitian Mail Order Brides, Japanese Mail Order Brides, or Peruvian Mail Order Brides. There are women in every country in the world who may be willing to meet with you for the purpose of an introduction that could lead to marriage. They all have their own ideas why and how they would consider a foreign husband. Most women in their country would never consider an option like this. But some will. And therein, lies your opportunity.
HOW WE CAN LEARN FROM EACH OTHER
So, what happens when you travel overseas and fail to find a woman to date? Most guys return home and lick their wounds for a short period of time, then get back at it. These men are not overly anxious to talk about their failures but will if they perceive they were wronged by a specific woman or marriage agency. These men tend to tell horror stories filled with negative lessons of what not to do. What is generally missing in their feedback are positive lessons of how to successfully do the right kind of things for dating. These men can teach you a lot of what not to do. What they cannot teach you is how to be successful because they haven’t been successful yet in finding and romancing their ideal woman.
And yet, when someone goes overseas and succeeds, positive lessons learned are also lost. Many successful men ride off into the sunset with their new bride. They do not share their successful hints and dating practices with them. Since men go on their journeys by themselves, they either fail or succeed individually and in relatively privacy, and those men who come behind them have a hard time learning from their success or mistakes.
THE GLOBAL ROMANCE INSTITUTE
This idea is why we thought there needs to be something like The Global Romance Institute. A place to captures the lessons learned by successful and unsuccessful men. It could record everyone’s story, and extract the useful dating strategies and practices in an organized manner through the use of case studies and formal research practices.
But who would pay for this research? Certainly not the companies who are collecting their revenue without regard to whether their customers are successful or not. It would have to be a voluntary effort on everyone’s part.
But men who want to date overseas need to be well prepared and understanding exactly what kind of woman you are trying to meet and date. Men need to be prepared to date efficiently and effectively, and be able to execute a dating strategy that is cost effective for their purposes. You can’t find a lot of information on how to be dating efficient or effective on letter writing websites, or marriage agency websites for those topics.
This is why we set a goal for the Global Romance Institute to pursue the research into effective dating strategies by reaching out to all men, regardless of their place along their Journey and create a diverse conversation about what works, and what doesn’t work so well. And it’s not about which companies to do business with, it is about collecting the real-world data to find out which dating strategy most often allows a man to succeed in creating a new relationship, and which dating practices and relationship communication practices allow couples to grown into effective married couples.
And to pursue this goal, we need volunteers. There is a population much greater than 1,000,000 persons each year who are using different kinds of overseas dating websites to communicate with potential partners. If you relate this number of people to all the countries in the world, the number easily doubles. Many of the users are only using the websites for entertainment purposes. Still United States Citizenship and Immigration Service reports that about 50,000 Fiancé visas are awarded each year. So there must have been over 500,000 international marriages created over the last 12 years. That’s a big number of people who can help men who are presently trying to find their future wife overseas.
Please consider joining our mailing list and help us grow our community. We aim to support married international couples from any countries. We want to learn your stories and ask your advice to give new travelers who hope to make their own dreams come true. Angela and I believe in Romance, and we hope you do too!
Thanks, and have a good one!
John and Angela Klose
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